Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
