Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
