I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
