I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is wine microwaveable?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
