Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
