We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
