Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
