just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
