Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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