They should really pass out barf bags in church
accomplished twins. life is a go
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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