just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
