new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
