I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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