so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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