What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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