There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
