I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
