That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
