ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
