I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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