shes about as inviting as chlamydia
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
