I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
