He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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