i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
