A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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