i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You ruined the universe
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
