Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
