The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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