I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
