I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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