Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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