"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
