he puts the penis in happiness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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