I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize