Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
