I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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