I'm so fucking centered right now
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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