onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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