I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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