She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
