oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
