I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
