Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
