We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this is an emotional support booty call
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize