Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
