My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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