I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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