I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
