Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
