That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
