It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Small penises have feelings too.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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