She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am midnight drunk by noon
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
