I smell stomach acid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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