oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
