Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
