idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
