Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
