True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
