you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
