You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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