White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
