just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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