I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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