so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
