could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She needs sedatives and a leash
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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