I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
