i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
