You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
