I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
