Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
